zdfs
amateur everything.

Latest

Jan
31
Something's changed and I'm not sure what

Something's changed and I'm not sure what

There's this guy in Santa Barbara. I run into him at the coffee shops. Sometimes Handlebar. Sometimes Dune. I've been
4 min read
Jan
20
Binary code (zeros and ones) but some of them are colored red to form a heart.

This is not the future I wanted

I remember when I first began to learn how to build things with code. Must have been 2002–2003. I
4 min read
Dec
30
A cute hedgehog held up by a human hand against fall foliage and berries

In my next life, may I be a well cared for hedgehog

I've been playing around with the idea of reincarnation lately. I'm not a scientist or a philosopher and I'm sure there are all kinds of problems with everything I'm going to write, but let's go with it because it's interesting from an academic sense.
5 min read
Dec
14
Very superstitious/writing's on the wall

Very superstitious/writing's on the wall

It's been a rough year. For me, and for my people I know and love. Cancer of the brain. Cancer of the breast. Herniated discs. Surgeries. Loss of jobs. And every time something happened this year, I found myself reaching for old patterns of survival, prayer being one of them.
3 min read
Dec
06
What good is it to gain the whole world but lose

What good is it to gain the whole world but lose

Being poor and then being successful, the experience has made everything so clear to me. We're doing it all wrong. And I can't stop thinking how to do it better. Maybe not for the entire world, maybe change just starts with me, but I have no idea what that should look like and I need to know.
6 min read
Nov
22
The Hospital de Sant Pau i de la Santa Creu is an early-16th-century building in Barcelona.

The end of things

If you've ever seen my Instagram account, you might notice that I'm rarely featured in the pictures I post. Or
5 min read
Nov
10
The Prophets

The Prophets

So Ezekiel cooked his food over human shit & I think about Michelin chefs, how the really good ones are peculiar–
1 min read
Nov
04
Drawings of white circles with black outlines that looks like a crude emoji of a heart, a smile, or a thumbs up.

I hate the Internet, the way it pretends to be your friend

The older I get, the more I realize that back in college, when I was trying to figure out what to do for a career, I let my insurmountable fear of being poor get the better of me. Code starts to die the moment you write it. I should have been (should be?) a poet.
4 min read
Oct
31
Columbo standing in a crowd of people.

Columbo & Covid

Watching Columbo and even more recent shows that pretend Covid doesn't exist, I am, at first, nostalgic for the world before the pandemic. It's not long until my mind turns to wondering when the anxiety and trauma will leave our bodies.
3 min read